Is there hope for the elusive actress? Can you discover your identity? Let me explain. An elusive actress, as I describe her, is a person that is difficult to find, meaning that she doesn’t know her identity. She behaves in a way that is more like a knee-jerk reaction to other people’s behaviors or she identifies herself by other people’s ideals and opinions.

Identity Not Established

If you’ve experienced a life of chronic childhood abuse, you may be able to relate to this – not knowing your identity or who you are.  During our teenage years, we are on a quest to discover and establish our identity. You don’t recognize yourself as a child anymore, and you are trying to figure out who you are. Teens develop an identity by trying new things on. They try on new behaviors; they rebel; they model after idols and celebrities; or they create an identity through status symbols such as clothing and possessions. It can, definitely, be a time of inner and outer struggles, but it’s an important time to understand what their desires are and how they want to be seen in the world.  However, when you’ve grown up experiencing chronic abuse, you lose your identity, or perhaps I should say, your identity is never really developed or established in a healthy way. Instead of having a life filled with positive mentors that encourage your growth and development, helping you identify the possibilities of what you can become and who you want to be; alternatively, your life is all about fear and survival, and you neither have the time nor inclination to create an identity.

Discover Your Identity – Who Are You

To discover your identity, you first need to clear the make-up off your face and get off the stage! That is my hope for the elusive actress. You need to spend some time with yourself in reflection such as meditating, walking in nature, or writing in your journal, for example. You must learn to become intimate with yourself. However, with a world so full of noise and busyness, it’s becoming impossible to stay connected with your self. As a result, it makes it more difficult to connect with who you really are especially when you have layers and multiple brushstrokes of cover-up. Nonetheless, with a strong desire to make a change, you can achieve this outcome and establish your identity. You can establish your sense of self.

Your Reason for Being

When you discover your identity, or sense of self, you are better able to make decisions and navigate life with more ease. You develop a more fulfilled and happy life because you are better able to guide your own life and live by your desires. For me to discover my identity, I needed to go back to my past and resolve the chronic abuse. I needed to do some major healing. Here, I began to see why I acquired certain behaviors and beliefs, and realize that they weren’t mine. Here, I was able to let go of what wasn’t mine and establish new ones. It was as though I was in my teens again, but living a healthy teenage life, and creating a healthy identity or sense of self. In the end, you need to increase your self-awareness.

Commit and Stop the Madness

Do you want to live a life with purpose and meaning? Do you really believe, deep in your heart, that you don’t have a purpose or that life is supposed to be hard and painful? I’ve been in this position: living a life on stage not knowing who I really was; designing my beliefs, values, and outward appearances such as my makeup, hair and dress by other people’s opinions and desires. I know what it’s like to feel like a puppet bounced from place to place. It’s time to stop the madness and figure out who you are. Find hope. When there is hope there is light. Then dig with all your might to find your strength to seek who you are.

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