How do you build self-esteem when you or a friend of yours can’t see the great qualities? Every woman that I have ever met has some self-esteem issue.  Women seem to always find flaws in themselves: something that they want to change on the outside. Yet, other women don’t see what they see. This goes to show you how critical we are of ourselves, both from an external and internal perspective. Sometimes it’s difficult to believe that these beautiful women walking among us feel this way about themselves, but it’s true.

Question Your Assumptions

When you walk down the street and see a gorgeous woman, looking at their physical features, how many times has it crossed your mind that “she MUST be confident, happy, and successful” in her life? She’s got the looks, so she must know it. I know I tend to do this, at times.  Yet, this assumption is clearly not true.  Even the most gorgeous and popular women out there in the world has some self-esteem issue.

Icing On the Cake

To build self-esteem, it is not going to happen over night; it takes practice and time. To build self-esteem, it’s not going to happen with constant positive self-talk, either. Positive self-talk could work for you, but it didn’t work for me and many others. An analogy that I like to use when I talk about positive psychology is icing on the cake. You bake a cake that is both unpalatable and foul smelling, but you decide you’re going to ice the cake, anyway, because it would take way too long to bake another cake.  Sure, the icing looks good on the outside, but does the cake taste good. The icing on the cake gives a false impression of the whole cake! You cannot spread sweet icing on a distasteful cake or bathe in perfume when you smell of foul sweat. You need to understand ‘why’ you are lacking self-esteem. You need to do some digging to understand what motivates you. What are your beliefs and experiences to view yourself in such a way?

Self-Esteem Tip

Do some digging to create some awareness, to uncover the veil, to where the lack of self-esteem began. You don’t usually get to the root of the cause right away. As you continue to ask the question ‘why,’ you begin digging into the layers. Just keep asking and keep digging. Once you get to the source, you can see where your distorted thinking started. It could show up as something someone said or repeatedly said. Or, it could be how you were being treated and then resolved to yourself that that was the way you actually were as a person. If you want to build self-esteem, it takes action not just telling yourself that you have it.

Related Links:  Stop Feeding Your Fears

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