Shamers and Haters
There will always be shamers and haters lurking somewhere in the background or the woods. The more you stand out, make a difference, and make a change, the more haters you will attract. The stronger your belief and the stronger your advocacy, the stronger the opposition and the oppressors. The one’s that oppose and the one’s that oppress and hate feel as though they are losing control, and hating, heckling and shaming may be the only way they feel they can hold onto their opinion or way of being (or so they believe it to be).
Still, Like Air, I’ll Rise
“You may shoot me with your words. You may cut me with your eyes. You may kill me with your hatefulness. But still, like air, I’ll rise” (Maya Angelou).
I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family that kept the childhood sexual abuse silent
. The family protected the perpetrators and, to this day, still do. One family member protected one of the perpetrators to the extent of publicly writing in an ancestry website touting how great this person was. Anyway, I finally disconnected myself from the entire family. To stay with the family, I had to stop speaking about the abuse
, and, basically, deny anything occurred. Yet, when I remained in the family circle, I was still being abused both verbally and physically. For many years, I stayed. Abuse was considered love, so I stayed to feel loved until I couldn’t take it anymore emotionally and mentally. However, in order to heal my life
and my children’s life, I chose to speak up.
As a result, I had to leave the circle. When I spoke up, all hell broke lose with the family about how ‘bad’ I was at being a daughter, a sister, and a niece. It was difficult, for sure, letting go of the family paradigm that many of us long for, but as years past, it became easier and easier in letting go of the unhealthy connections. Letting go made me a stronger woman in the sense that I now stand up for what I believe in. I stand up for injustices. I advocate for what is right. An amazing thing happened after letting go of the unhealthy connections, as well. I began to make healthy connections with others that accepted me for who I am – a strong, feisty, fearless fighter that does not accept shamers.
You Must Not Be Defeated
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it” (Maya Angelou).
This is a segue for the shaming blog post comment I received. As many of you bloggers know, you get all kinds of comments. Typically, they are supportive and positive and some give a critical analysis, however, at times, there are nasty ones that lash out and try to shame you. There are the haters!
Respect Other Voices
It is important to listen to other voices, for sure. However, listening is not about agreeing. It is about giving the other person the opportunity to express themselves fully; giving them your attention and respect, without ridicule. What I will not tolerate in my life anymore is when someone is determined to shame or ridicule, both openly and discretely. Instead of discussing things respectfully and maturely, they abuse or threaten in their words and tone. They are the shamers and haters. I am no longer the person I was when I tolerated abuse from others.
Refuse To Be Reduced By Shamers and Haters Comments
“I can be changed by what happened to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it” (Maya Angelou). “I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them” (Maya Angelou).
Walk Away from Shamers and Oppressors
There will always be the shamers and haters lurking or hiding in the background or the woods. Walk away from people that shame you and the people that try to control you. You don’t need any other reason to listen or stay! Leave. Walk away. Block them! Do not respond to shamers and haters. They are beneath you and don’t deserve your recognition.
Stand Up to Stand Up for All Women
“Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it, possibly without claiming it, she stands up for all women” (Maya Angelou).